i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
