I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
