shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
then he tried to convert me to islam
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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