I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
