Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize