I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
