Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
