my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
