I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
