I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
