Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
