You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
