So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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