well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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