shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
