she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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