Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
