I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're a waste of cheezeits
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
