We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
