dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
