did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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