dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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