can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
