drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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