Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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