At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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