we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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