so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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