i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
