Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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