My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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