I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
