This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
