If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
