So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
