I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
