pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
