I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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