Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize