so explain again why im purple
no
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
