My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think i have two assholes
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
