Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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