just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
