I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Damn victory sex feels great
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
