i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize