He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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