Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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