you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
