Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
