i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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