My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize