Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
