Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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