the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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