Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
