you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
