Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize