I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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