i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize