I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
