I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
we should paint friendship bongs
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