Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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