I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
