I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
