when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
