Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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