I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize