i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I will be naked everywhere
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
